Can you forgive your man for being unfaithful?

Ok, follow-up to last weeks question, I have now found out that what my husband of five years described as a ';stupid drunk kiss, one time'; is in reality a year-long fling he has been having with my single best friend (not anymore) right under my nose. He's been kissing her when I go to the restroom, kissing her when I go to bed (she usually crashes on our couch after we have all been drinking) and kissing her in her car (when the two of them would go to the store). He swears it meant nothing (typical) and has made an appointment with a very expensive psychologist for today to get help. I am beating myself up because I feel like such an idiot... and I am SHOCKED at his behavior. He's always been a good man and he has told me time and time again how he would never do something like this. My question... ladies (or gentile men) how do I move on? How do I stop thinking such terrible things in my mind over and over again like how he kissed her, did he look in her eyes, did he enjoy it. I am going crazy. It's only been three days since the whole thing came out... will time heal? What would you do, do you think you could forgive? Would you invest the time and money and effort in saving your marriage. We have kids but both from our first marriages which both ended due to the other being unfaithful btw. You'd think he would have learned by going through it himself...





Please BE NICE... I don't want to hear ';divorce his a$$'; or ';kick him to the curb.'; ThanksCan you forgive your man for being unfaithful?
Asa member of the ';been there/done that'; club, I am just under two years removed from learning of my wife's cheating. It has taken a lot of time, a LOT of hard work, and if I was to tell you that I am over it and things are OK, I'd be lying. The feelings I once had are gone and a cautious love is all that remains. My doctor and counselor told me it will take years for those feelings to work their way back. All those questions and ';moments'; you're having now will tear you apart less frequently as you go along, but as of now mine still haven't gone away completely. I still find myself having visions of her %26amp; him to this day. Not as much as I used to, but every now %26amp; again.





This is what the next two years of your life will be like. You need to decide if that's how you'd like to live those years out. If you have any more questions about what to expect, feel free to reach out to me. My profile allows you to email me.Can you forgive your man for being unfaithful?
At the end of day no1 can tell you what to do in this situation, if you think you can forgive him and move on in time then work at it. You asked what other woman would do, I would leave my husband, I just would not beable to forget or trust him again and a relationship with out trust is doomed.
You may not want to hear it, but you need to let this man go. He's fooled around with your ';best friend'; for a year and hid it from you all this time...that is a major violation of trust that may never be regained. In time you may be able to forgive him for what he did, but you will never forget.
Long story short, Yes, You can forgive. You *COULD*. But will you? I can tell you from experience, it is a loooooooooooong road, and it will take A LOT from YOU to trust again. I find it helps to know as much as possible about the situation. It helps to settle your own brain.





Good Luck
I really think that you need more help with your marriage then just Yahoo Answers..





Both of you need to decide if you want to really try and save your ';Marriage'; or if kids and society are better off with you two staying single and playful....
I'm gonna be as nice as I can but if you came here asking a question like this, you're going to have to hear ';kick him to the curb.'; He cheated on you with your best friend. What a dick! Why are you still there?
I'm sorry, but that is a betrayal I could never overcome. Both the husband and the ';friend'; would be out of my life for good.
Okay, knowing full well that he doesn't respect you enough to be faithful should be the first step to recovery because if a man doesn't respect you then he's DEFINITELY not good enough for you. But having been in this situation, I have found that the best way to heal it for the time being is to find yourself a good distraction, i.e. a man who'll show you some good attention even it mean letting loose and having a good one night stand...you don't want to go down to his level but there is nothing wrong with getting what you want every once in awhile. ABOVE ALL DO NOT compromise your feelings and let him walk all over you. First off I'll guarantee that there was more than just kissing involved and second, if he's done it once and you let it go, he'll do it again because he knows he can get away with it. Now that's not to say its a bad idea to forgive him, because I found that forgiving can be VERY healing but that doesn't mean you have to allow him to be in your life. I know that right now it seems that it will never end but if you think about it...this has happened before and you got over it didn't you? If I've learned anything in my life it's that time heals everything so that's all its going to take...you're a strong independant woman and you've got kids who need to learn from you so the best thing is to pick yourself up and say ';I can learn from this experience'; that way your kids can see how strong you are. If all else fails, grab a vibrator and take a nice long relaxing bath. But always be confident in who you are!
I'm being nice tho you may read somethings you might not want to so sorry for being honest and openly objective.


Yes forgive him, no point in holding on to that crap into the future life of yours. to me at this point i would say to myself. do i want to go on in this relationship? if i do I will have daily reminders of this affair if i do have these daily reminders? If you can live like that then try to work it out!


if not I suggest you move on.


for me I'd move on. how can you ever trust him again?
People say you can, it happened to me, I don't think I really forgave him, I just don't think about it as much. Even though I'm still with him. And he hasn't done anything like that again. When I found out I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. But I know this, if it was to happen again I would say don't let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya. It will always be in the back of your mind. You will have a lot wondering going on. Don't let it consume you. It's is a hurtful situation. The ultimate slap in the face. Good luck and I hope it works out for you two.
If I was in the situation I would be able to forgive him but not right away. I'd be very hurt and need time to just think and we would have to find some way of working it out. I wouldn't divorce him, and I would hope that he would want us to get help and hopefully we'd be able to work it out and move on.





As for my ';single best friend';, she would definitely not be one of my best friends anymore and she would not be coming back to my house. Any ';friend'; who pulls some **** like that is shady and not really my friend. I would also tell her straight up to stay away from my husband and my family, and that I'd do everything in my power to keep her out of all of our lives. I would also tell my husband that he has to make that decision too.





I know it's hard because you see all these pictures in your mind of him and her but trust me, you two can work it out. Time will heal and you guys will be alright.





But I'm telling you that that ';friend';, if you keep her around it's only going to make things worse so you need to tell her straight up that she needs to go.
sure you can forgive him but you cant be sure that he wont be doing the same thing again and again..so the question of working out this marriage depends on you if you want to try it again or you just want to move on....it kind of shocks you but that is the truth atleast you know now..its going to take a while till you heal from this incident...just think if u want to stay and see how he will act later on or you just want to move out..best of luck
I'll tell you again, and I am not being mean, I don't think that you can ever get past this betrayal.


If the woman would have been a stranger, it would be different.


But if you can't even trust him within your inner circle, he is not worth having.
He's got insecurity issues. It's up to you if you want to be with him (and the heartache that comes with it) while he tries to work this out. Some women can get over this, I'm not one of them. It sucks but it happened. Try not to think about every detail or you'll drive yourself crazy. Try not to hate. I know you said you didn't want to hear ';kick him to the curb'; so I'll say, ';gently push him to the side of your life';. With no kids (by him) your kids will bounce back. Don't feel like an idiot because you trusted him, that takes a lot of courage. Anyone can lie and he did it. Now the ball is in your court. Pass it smartly. Good luck.
One of my ex boyfriends cheated on me and I stayed with him for about 2 months but no I could not forgive him so i left. Of course your husband enjoyed kissing her because if you do not enjoy something do you continue doing it? No you don't you only continue to do things that you like doing. If you are not willing to leave your cheating husband then maybe you should get together with him and your friend and have a threesome because that is what he probably wants anyway and since you are going to be a fool for this man you may as well get some enjoyment out of it.