Why does my mind try to ';poison the moment'; for me when I have a moving experience?

Whenever I have an experience I feel I will remember for a long time, my mind tries to poison the moment by giving me thoughts I don't want to remember For example, while I anticipated the wait for my Gibson Dove acoustic guitar to come in the mail, the whole week I was thinking about how I can prevent myself from poisoning the moment. Sure enough, while I opened it, my mind kept repeating ';Mongolia'; in my head (I have an irrational fear of Central Asia). Wow I sound like a nut saying that. but yah, the Central Asia thing and anything associated with ';Mongols'; has been driving me nuts and dominating my life lately. When I went to see Van Morrison I was afraid I would be thinking on mongols or mongolia while I was watching the concert and I knew that concert was going to mean so much to me. Also, whenever I used to use youtube to learn songs on guitar, I would think, ';when I look back 30 years from now I'm going to remember using youtube to learn guitar.'; And I don't know why that bugs me, it's just different from how the legends learned. Also whenever I thinking of Japanese people or Mexican people all I can think about is mongols since both have ancestors originally from siberia. Anything associated with central asia either annoys me or scares me I dont know how to describe it. I'm going to move to New York next year and I'm scared as hell I'm going to think of mongolia when I first arrive That will really poison the moment because I'll remember moving to NY for the rest of my life. even as I type this I'm reluctant to type it because I don't want to connect nyc and mongolia because I have a special sentiment for nyc. As I type this I'm afraid the nyc-mongolia thing is going to become a bigger issue and I really will think of it. Another thing is when I went to Washington DC last summer, when I saw them Mongolian embassy I got really depressed and couldn't enjoy it anymore. Then I feel like I'm letting my family down because mongolia is dominating my thoughts and this is not going how I expected even though they have no clue what I'm thinking about. When I found out that the acting of bowing an instrument originated in central asia I couldn't enjoy violin playing for months and I kept thinking of the morin huur which is a Mongolian instrument. I listened to it on youtube and it sounds nothing like the double bass does in Van Morrison's song ';Sweet Thing'; but now I always think of the morin huur when I listen to that, and that song meant a lot to me but now I can't even listen to it. I feel like I'm poisoning your guys minds right now too with this information, I'm scared you'll think the same way as me. My family knows nothing of these thoughts because I don't want to poison their minds and make them think the same way as me either. Sometimes I feel depressed about an issue and the next moment I feel happy and I'm like ';they aren't associated even the slightest,'; but then I'm backed to being depressed a second later. On one hand I like to sound like I'm crazy as I type, but on the other hand I feel like somewhere in my mind I'm not crazy, but only wish I was, but then if that were true, why would I be thinking of what I just thought about before the thought that I lost, but then it goes back to the idea of making myself crazy, but then why the hell am I even doing this in the first place. Hard to describe, don't feel like explaining it. There are millions (not literally obviously) of things similar to this that dominate my mind. I don't think any sort of therapy is going to help this and I think I wll continue to poison the moment of everything and thinking about mongolia until the day I die.





I apologize for the bad punctuation and grammar. I tried to poor my thoughts out, I think that is more important than punctuation.





Thank you very much.Why does my mind try to ';poison the moment'; for me when I have a moving experience?
Simple: you have a mongol phobia.





either don't talk about it, or go to a therapist and they will probably make one crawl up and jump out at you to cure you.Why does my mind try to ';poison the moment'; for me when I have a moving experience?
XD!!! Ok, I'm sorry that bothers you so much but that's really hilarious. I haven't laughed like that in awhile.





I think your using Mongolia as a mental block of some sort. Maybe you don't believe you deserve to be happy? Are there other things in your life that are bothering you and Mongolia is a sort of shield/face for it all? Honestly I'm just guessing. Your fear is completely irrational though so if this isn't a joke of some kind I'd suggest you see a therapist. I can't know you well enough from a single message to know what the real problem here is. A therapist can look at your whole life and help you pinpoint were all this is coming from.





Good luck!





Edit: Your fears are completely irrational... This is why I think they're a block for something deeper. Really, seeing a therapist can only help you. You've got nothing to lose. Do you really want to live with these fears for the rest of your life?