Is it time to move on ... how to give up on someone you love most in your life?

i met my bf of 3 years. We live apart now with him working and living in paris and i am in asia. We started off having a very good and loving relationship and he was the sweetest guy i ever met. Always understanding and patient and made me feel very loved and protected.


But through his talks and interaction with his family I am aware that he has a nasty temper and tend to be very negative in his thinking.


We are very different, I am outgoing and enjoy the good things in life while he is careful with his money and prefers to stay infront of the tv during off days. And at times he gets really distant and i cant figure out what is on his mind.


He came from a single family and started working young. He spent alot of time alone so i understand his loner behaviour


Because i love him and want a life together so i told myself all the differences are not such a big deal and we can still be happy together.


Though we live apart, we chatted and talked to each other every day. Because of the time difference, we both always have to stay up to wait for each other. Even if it was very tiring for me, I always try to stay up to wait for him to get home


He is always home right after work and in that area i am not worried he is fooling around outsides. He hardly has any friends except for his family so I know his where about all the times.


We talked and fought over how to move together many times. Because of his work (chef) and his experience work overseas, he said it would be easier for him to move to asia instead of me moving and language is a major obstacle for me. To find a job for him, i spent long hours researching the net for job sites and employment opportunities, I created his resume, did the postings and follow up. I even called on my friends and boss to help. We tried that way for a long time, almost a year without any successes so during a visit to paris i told him maybe he could come over and then find something here instead of just searching via the internet. He agreed with me and we set a timeframe for that to happen over the next 6 months and we talked about having to register our marriage so he could stay in my country.


But while i was trying to do alot to make it happen, he was living day by day not making too much efforts


I started to lose heart and we fought more and each time he would make promise and agreed on a plan which he would not act on.


So over and over we talked, agreed, fought and still nothing happened.


I was losing heart but my love for him is strong and I couldnt imagine a life wihtout him so i held on to it


We had a major fight in jan this year because he started giving me rough words and telling me that if i insisted that we should get married, then we would as long as i am happy. His words cut my heart but still i couldnt let go. He has been having alot of trouble at work and not getting along well with his colleagues. I was very worried about him and tried to be more understanding and listen to him


But he started getting very withdrawn from me and started to miss our daily chats and even went on a few days without a word. I kept telling myself he was going through work stress and as a gf i should stand by him so even with him being cool and distant from me, I stood by him and would send him messages to give him morale support and to tell him how much i love him. He was worried of losing his job because of bad business but i told him if that happens, I could still work and support 2 of us in the time being until he finds a job here. All this stress and work is talking a toll on my body and i started getting ill and tired. But yet i kept up with it because i dont want to lose our love.


One day, he chattedf with me after coming home. And he said he had been thinking for a week and felt I deserve someone better and feel we should break off so i can find someone who can give me what i wanted. He said all his mind is at work and he knows for sure he will not change and we would have more fights in the future. And he said now with the bad economy, finding a job here will be more difficult and he cant afford to lose the job. Even with me telling him i would share the expenses to pay for his flat, he said no way he would take my money and unless he finds something here, he will not move over. I was heartbroken because again he is breaking the decision we made.


We chatted for 3 hours when i was trying to tell him i would support him and stand by him no matter what happens, and love is not something you maintain when you are free but cast it asides when work gets busy. And that we have gone through so much to be together. no matter what i said, he just told me he will not change and things will not get better between us because he will not be able to give me what i want. I was so numbed i could even cry a tear because i had cried so much tears in the 3 years we were together. I feel so tired but my heart hurt so much because of my love for him. During the time we have been together,Is it time to move on ... how to give up on someone you love most in your life?
You need to understand that he is a loner. He was born a loner and you can only socialize a loner to some degree. He also has commitment issues and that is why he doesn't want to move to Paris. He has no intention of marrying you because he is very happy being alone to do what he wants when he wants to do it. You are a diversion and he does like you but that doesn't mean he wants a permanent relationship. He's right. You do deserve a better boyfriend. Listen to him. He's telling you and you aren't listening.Is it time to move on ... how to give up on someone you love most in your life?
Well I'm sure its hard for him to give up on the only people he has been close to all his life for a long distant relationship of someone who isn't positive where it all might lead. Change is scary, and since he never travels outside of his safety zone, its a pretty good bet, he won't. I'm sorry you've invested so much time and effort into this relationship, but he has to be willing to participate. Now you have to decide to taper off slowly, or just instantly stop. You need to start finding other things to fill up your time. Force yourself, otherwise your gonna stay in this funk, for a long time. Be good to yourself, you deserve to be happy. There are plenty of people out there looking for a loving person as you are. Invest in yourself. You are worth it! Find something to smile about.
He's got too much pride. He is probably worried that he would not be able to handle himself in this relationship.





But if he really really loves you, he will at least try.





If this relationship is heading no where, you will need to move on.





Don't forget your biological age is ticking....
Just let him do what ever he wants to do. You've tried my dear, u've tried your best. He doesn't seem to understand you. It's hard for you to let him go I know. But If you really love him, then you would understand.


Just let go...