Ok, so imagine you grow up in a christian household. You go to church every sunday, no by your own choice, so you grow to hate it. You turn 16, and now you have a job. You naturally find ways of getting out of church till you don't even get asked to go.
Now, your in the world, you have money, and no one tells you what to do. You go out and buy videogames, lots of them. Thousands of dollars worth over a couple years. You buy a computer. You get a phone line hooked up and get dial up. Not long ago when DSL was too expensive to have. Now you have the internet in your room. You pay for everything, so theres no objection.
Your mind starts wandering, first looking up this site, then that site, pretty soon a worse site. Till you find a porn site. Then that intrigues you, so you download mass amounts of it, and use it whenever you feel you need to.
After a while, you start to love doing, not feeling ashamed like you did originally. So much so you start placing expectations on girls. You expect them to do what you see on the computer or videogames. (Naturally I was too scared of girls, never had a girlfriend, but I almost got into situations with girls that would have gotten me in trouble, and one time I was caught by my mom with a girl, and after that I was too scared of my moms wrath)
So now, at say...18ish, you have pushed all morals out and you are doing whatever feels good. You hate helping others because it doesn't help you. You yell at your parents, sometimes they yell back and you curse them in your mind.
One day, you set up something that no normal person would think of, just to get a peek at someone. You end up cursing God and asking Satan to help, even saying you will serve him if you get this one thing. Which, you end up getting. A glimpse at someone.
Things continue going down hill from the porn, womanizing, horrible music (Eminem for one), the bad movies (not just porn), the torture movies, war movies, etc., Then, because of these few things, other things come into play to hide everything. The lying, planning, hating, deep thought, everything it took to continue in the path of darkness.
Then, at about 19, after 16 years of hating God and Church, 3 years of going wild on everything I wanted those 16 years, things start to change.
You don't know why, but you decide to delete the porn. Of course you download it again, delete it, download, delete it. You slowly become sickened by certain movies and music. Your taste starts changing. Over the course of about 8 months, things start changing. And not because of anyone but your own mind, and God.
It started in 2005 with a friend, (which was 18), you predicted something that was going to happen at the beginning of the year. Low and behold it comes true. You end up losing your best friend to other people, which turned out bad now, and a girl that you really liked, that is his cousin, was also brought to the same place, and she changed. That is, Christian camp, they were counselors.
2006, the theme continues. 2005 was the year of loss, so you called it, and 2006 was the year of mental pain. And you predicted other things based on what you thought, and almost all of them came true. 2006, you are now all alone. Everyone of your friends have moved out, you still live at home, and the very people you hated are the very people you are left with: your family.
2007 was called as well, the physical pain year. No predictions were made, but it was a self fulfilling prophecy.
Now, its 2007, and you are questioning everything at 20. In April you read a little bit of the bible. Just because you felt like it. A couple weeks go by, you read some more. Pretty soon you read the whole new testament and are amazed at what is happening. In August, you take almost all your possessions, and burn them. Well, you burn all dvds, movies, and music in a fire that took 3 days. You give all gaming systems away. You delete your computer, reinstall the OS so its clean. You get rid of the cable that runs to your room, so now theres no TV. You end up getting rid of your TV later, but it sits in your room for about 8 months.
Now, you're burning with a passion you can't even control. This being bad, and good. Bad, because you can't express things in a way that others could understand. For example, you would write blogs that people would stop reading because of the length. They started out at 1 page, then 2 pages. One you had was probably close to ten pages. If you spaced it and had 12font. And you could write an entire blog on 1 subject.
This slowly began to wear on you, why write when no one has the attention span to read?
So you stop writing. And eventually, you delete your myspace because thats the only thingHow do you truly change when your in this situation?
By changing your self. If you don't like your life. Only YOU can change it.How do you truly change when your in this situation?
God is about your heart
God is not about religion.
Peace!!
Satan uses the internet that way. You can turn thing around if you just ask Jesus to help to cleans you and He will.
God works in mysterious ways. We have all sinned and fallen short at times. Jesus is patient with us and can use strange things to bring us back. Keep reading your Bible so you can truly get to know God. You need to read the Old Testament to really get to Know Him.
I had the attention span to read all you wrote this time. You perfectly described how a little sin leads you to go further and deeper that you ever could have imagined. You asked how do you change in this situation, yet you tell how you did start to change. You got sick of the filth and the sin. You started to read the New Testament it touched you in a way that you some how missed when you went to church. You saw that you needed a savior to forgive and cleanse you and heal your mind from all the horrid stuff you put there. You learned about true love and mercy and grace. You learned about being a new creation in Christ Jesus. Did you take Jesus's offer. You sound like you did. You sound like you want to share your story. I would like to know more. There are many who could benefit from hearing it. It helps people to know that there is someone who have done the things they've done and found hope, forgiveness and a new beginning. God bless you.
God is talking to your heart. Listen.
#1. Ask God and your parents to forgive you for your unkindness to your parents. Look how good they've been to you. They could have kicked you out when you hurt their hearts, but they didn't.
#2. Read the Bible more than you write. Learn of God's ways now that your mind is open.
#3. Spend a large amount of time, and even some money, for the benefit of someone else who really needs it, but can't give you anything in return for it. And even if they offer you something, don't take it.
#4. Exercise: Walk, run, swim, bike, play soccer or hockey. Whatever. Exercise for 45 mins-1 hour each day.
If you start there, with those four things, life will get better and so will your heart, your mind and your body.
this is truely an amazing work of God, it took that much to happen to make you realize that you needed him that whole time and that he really exists. good for you! i am so happy that you changed, that is like a whole 180 turn around! wow is all i can say. :]
I am sorry You hate your family.They did what was required of them by taking you to church and Sunday school.';Bring up a child the way they should and even though the child will rebel and go their own way';They will eventually come back.Everyone has the gift of free choice .To follow God or Satan.If you follow Satan and we are warned he roams around as a roaring Lion seeking whom he may devour.God still has his arms open because Christ paid the price for your soul.It is a fact for you to accept or reject.We have a chance at something Satan can never have ,I am talking about a relationship between God and Jesus.Satan's time is short.If you are gifted with the ability to write. Don't waste it.God knows every thought you ever had and what we read ,view by our own desire .God says he finally turns a person over to the desires of his own heart.Blinds them after a while so they can't believe the truth .He also commanded us to Love our mother and father.Nobody is perfect but we will all be judged by the same set of rules.God does not like when people choose the enemy.He will not force himself on anyone.He offers Love and Life .Satan may give you some things as he tried to tempt Christ,but ultimately he don't care about anyone only robbing all he can so they rebel against God and lose the gift of eternal life. Something he can never have.You/we must pray for his guidance . Without God nothing is worth anything .
I think you are referring to masturbation.I bet if you try without the porno you can't.He says your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and when we do this we are defiling it.They may not print this but I am being honest and trying to encourage you .
It was in hours of solitary prayer that Jesus in His earth life received wisdom and power. Let the youth follow His example in finding at dawn and twilight a quiet season for communion with their Father in heaven. And throughout the day let them lift up their hearts to God. At every step of our way He says, ';I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, . . . Fear not; I will help thee.'; Isaiah 41:13. Could our youth learn these lessons in the morning of their years, what freshness and power, what joy and sweetness, would be brought into their lives!
These are lessons that only he who himself has learned can teach. It is because so many parents and teachers profess to believe the word of God while their lives deny its power, that the teaching of Scripture has no greater effect upon the youth. At times the youth are brought to feel the power of the word. They see the preciousness of the love of Christ. They see the beauty of His character, the possibilities of a life given to His service. But in contrast they see the life of those who profess to revere God's precepts. Of how many are the words true that were spoken to the prophet Ezekiel:
Thy people ';speak one to another, everyone to his brother, saying, Come, I pray you, and hear what is the word that cometh forth from the Lord. And they come unto thee as the people cometh, and they sit before thee as My people, and they hear thy words, but they will not do them: for with their mouth they show much love, but their heart goeth after their covetousness. And, lo, thou art unto them as a very lovely song of one that hath a pleasant voice, and can play well on an instrument: for they hear thy words, but they do them not.';
Was there a question in there?
';you'; have damaged/inexistence faith in God, are involved in spiritism, addicted to porn and not feeling very good about it.
What was the actual quesiton?
Check out this website:
http://www.everymansbattle.com/
It's great you want to get beyond this, but it is an addiction as powerful as any drug, so look for a good counselor and support group. I pray you find the peace you are looking for!
EDIT hmm...wait. It seems as though you no longer struggle with those specific sinful desires? Then I'd say, use the passion for God that you have, and find out ways you can get involved in the community!
Hey, that's good you had some good friends who were counselors at a Christian camp. I'm sure they prayed for you. Nothing good happens to turn our hearts to the Lord unless people are interceding for us. It doesn't just happen. God's hand does not move without prayer. But God inspires the prayer.
Keep praying. Pray more. pray constantly. Learn about prayer. When you learn to pray effectively you can move mountains. Mark 11:22-24. Meditate on the word day and night. Prov. 4:20-22, Joshua 1-6-9, Ps. 1, Thank and praise God to get peace and joy Phil. 4:6-7, Eph. 5:20. pray in the spirit Jude 20, Eph. 6:18, pray for others Heb. 13:3. God bless you.
Spiritual warfare: II Cor. 10:4-5, Eph. 6:12, Matthew 16 and 18, I John 4:4; 5:4-5, 5:14-15.
Ask for anything and it will be done John 14:13-14, John 15:7 Continue in the word and you will truly be his disciple and be free John 8:31-36, Isaiah 61:1-3
Isa. 1:18, 55:6-9, 54:17, 50:7.
...that ever connected you to the world you had given yourself to in ways that had eventually betrayed you. There has to be more to life than this, you say to yourself.
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