How do you move on in your marriage, if you think your spouse cheated?

My husband had conversations via telephone with my X-bestfriend behind my back. The reason she is my X-bestfriend is because she became disrespectful to our friendship by calling my (then) boyfriend when I couldn't give her a ride, or sitting at our doorstep when we got home from being out together etc.. Her behavior changed and it seemed like she jealous that I had someone and she didn't. He is such a nice guy, he would do anything for anyone. He would give her rides, bring her groceries in her house so she didn't have to carry them.He did things like that for my sister, other friends, he is just a gentleman. When we would have arguments, he would call her to fix the problem and she would, she never took sides. She was a good friend at one time but we stopped being friends before I got married because she wouldn't respect me, my boundaries or my wishes regarding my fiance. None of my other friends crossed the line the way she did.


I found out that had been talking on the phone when he and I were checking he cell phone bill, I saw her number. When confronted, he told the truth and said he had been talking to her but only when he and I had problems because she was a good listener and gave good advice, but he knew it was wrong because he kept it from me. Then when I asked her what was going on, she replied ';Ask your husband!'; He swears nothing physical or emotional ever took place. I love him very much and I want to believe him, but that statement she made, makes me quiver. We change his number so she can no longer call, but it still lingers in the back of my mind and I lost some trust. How do I let this go?How do you move on in your marriage, if you think your spouse cheated?
He betrayed your trust by talking to this woman , whom you had clearly discarded for causing trouble before.


You need to make it absolutely clear to him, that he may never speak to this troublemaker again, that he violated your trust with his deceit ,and sneaky behavior.


Also, he will have to be completely open and honest with you in order to regain your trust eventually.


I would disregard her statement.


She is a jealous woman and would like to see you unhappy by planting a wedge between you and your husband - don't let her.How do you move on in your marriage, if you think your spouse cheated?
I would say you need to have a heart to heart with him. Please ask him for the honest truth. Let him know that you will not be happy in the marriage unless he tells you what's going on.





Please ask that he doesn't speak to this woman again. She is clearly trouble and has issues.
Seriously, women do this to guys everyday and twice on Sunday.
Without reading the details, a woman's intuition is usually right. And if a spouse has cheated emotionally or physically I wish I knew the answer to your question. People say marriage is sacred and you should not just quit etc etc but if it was so sacred then why did the other person cheat to begin with. I don't think you can forgive someone after they betray your MARRIAGE like that... you may still love him and he still may love you but the problem is one of you is loving the other too much and the other is not being loved enough...
It's hard when you don't have closure. Who cares what she did; she's disposable - but he's your husband. If you don't feel like she was square with you, it's easy to write her off as a bad egg. However, you're vowed to this guy, and you know in your heart he was dishonest in some ways.





You describe him as a good guy who cares about people (these kind of people are often getting themselves into trouble for being TOO nice sometimes). So you're glad he is the way he is, but he went overboard with your nutbag friend. I say follow your instincts on this one. As long as you're rid of her, you should see things return to normal. And if there's ever any more suspicious behavior with him - you can start to investigate into whether there might be some truth to your ex-friend's stories. But he sounds fine to me.
You divorce. If you stay he will cheat again. get checked out for venereal disease while you are at it.
Your friend did what she was suppose to do - she is suppose to redirect you back to your husband.


Perhaps she's not quite as bad a friend as you think if her advice and actions are pushing you and your husband together rather than apart.





I see a lot of insecurity on your part over things that have /not/ happened.





Yes talking about your marriage with someone else is a boundary to cross, but when things are really bad sometimes you need support from someone else.


';Forgive and Forget';





As you friend [indirectly] told you, you need to talk to and trust your husband to move on.
your husband crossed a line which he shouldn't he needs to learn about boundaries in marriage. He is nice and that's great but he has no business going to another womans home or talking on the phone with her. First get rif of her now. She will destroy your marriage she wants him and he likes the feeling she wants him. Second go to a marriage counselor who can work with you guys a little bit so he can learn and you can learn about each others needs and wants and expectations


he probably hasn't had sex yet but it will happen eventually if he doesn't stop what he is doing
I use this rule, 3 strikes and you're out. This would be strike one. Yes, you lost some trust, and I know it's difficult to go on believing him, also keep in mind though, when confronted he didn't side step. You told you right away. Unless you didn't mention how much you had to press for the information. If you had to press for it, then I'd be a little more concerned.
I don't know about you, but stuffing my face with alot of food usually does the trick for me
Listen I am married and had the same EXACT thing happen to me..and i know it is hard...im going to tell you the raw truth, you will never forget it...that is just how women are built...a year from now you will probably be in a fight with him and bring it up, but for me it was really hard because i put my all into our relationship and to this day i am still hurt but you need to think about the long run, if you know that you are not going to leave him then its up to you to try to put it behind you although you will never forget it, its a matter of just forgiving him and remembering why you love him and why you are with him because if you cant see yourself loving another the way you love him then you can forgive him and even tho you may not 4get u can move on n still be happy..